What would have Rose gone through after Jack died drowning? What kept her alive all the years amidst such a tragic love during the formative years of her life? But what if Jack tried to protect her by deception? What would have happened if Jack knew his impending death and gathered all of his balls to lie about the vacuum of hate for her? A thought experiment.
She sat by the dusky stone bench and thought of that night when he had drowned after speaking out all of his heart. All of his hate. All of what he had meticulously coated on just to make her believe the unbelievable. But she was smart, he thought. Was she? The water in her eyes drowned him down more than the drunk ocean.
Will it be today? At least? How much longer should I endure this before I know this is the last? Why can’t I want this to be my last breath? Why don’t people see that depression is real? Depression is the unwanted meal you stare at, on a long day. Depression is the uncalled sleep that pulls you away. Depression is real. Tonight is the night. Or is today the day? The D-day? Depressing day. Everyday. It is all coming down on me. I know my PMSes kill me. I know he kills me too. But it cant take away what he means to me. It cant alter what I have for him even if it does not happen. It is intense. It is pure. It is pristine like a drop of rain. When I look at the blue ocean bed, I am reminded of him. The transparency, the openness, that clarity, I think that is him in my mind. What I have for him, is as pure as the first DNA copy of an unborn child. It cannot be touched, moved, altered or influenced physically. But it can be destroyed by internal fire. It can create a whole new beautiful being. It is the pearl of life – the tiniest Might. The unborn knight. The unspoken truth. The untouched drop of rain. The unbroken promise. And the unparalleled lullaby. The first light of life begins in the dark. The first cloud of darkness brings light.
Everyday means a new beginning to this deceitful world. But I am smart. Because I know the truth. I know that everyday is not a beginning. It is the gateway to the end. It is the last opportunity for my breath. It is the last of all that I want it to be. Why should I really pursue this darkness? Why should it really be pursued if the dark clouds love me so much? I loved it back too. But the clouds dint seem to be moved by my true love. They seemed to enjoy it instead. That is not why I loved them. I loved them so they wouldn’t stay. I loved them so they wouldn’t torment me with more downpour! They chose me instead. This cats and dogs of downpour is just too much to take. I know this is the last sight of this view that I can get. All of me is already drenched and decayed in the pool of tormented downpour that is flooding me from those lovely dark clouds. Oh so not lovely you cloudy! Now I am telling you I hate you. Just go away! Just don’t shower me anymore of those pristine drops! You don’t seem dark just on the outside. You seem to organically cook your darkness to make some dingy heavy and blotted drops. And I don’t love them cloudy. Oh so please keep your blots away from me. Why do you keep my sight yet after all this downpour? Are you enjoying my stares at you? Can’t you see I want to not see you? Like he wants me out? Either swallow me or get away from me? What do you enjoy from holding me up in your throat all alive? Don’t you want to let go of me? Do you? Will you?
So what if life beats me down? Why can’t you shine up and show me the way like a melting pot of golden sunset? Yes light is not always just sunrise. Sunset is light too, for it paves the way to endurance. If you want to hold me up for longer, let me tell you, I want to end it all.
As the water near her feet receded, she looked up at the clouds once again pleadingly. And she wept. And she was drowned up to her nose yet again. And the thunder roared ‘NOT TODAY. Just ONE MORE DAY’. Everyday.
This post is a submission to ‘The Chennai Blogger’s Club’s photo prompt.